This article was edited by Kelly Brown MD, MBA.
We often hear less about it, but high drive in women can happen just like it does in men. Matching drives in a couple are about as rare as simultaneous arousals — wonderful when they align but pretty uncommon.
The longer you’re with your partner, the more likely it is that you’ll encounter times where your desire doesn’t sync up. In some relationships, it’s the woman who experiences a higher drive. And it’s perfectly normal.
If you’re worried about your own drive, remember that communication is key.
Below, we cover the signs of high-drive in females and how to handle a partner with a strong appetite.
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The Challenge of Mismatched Drives
When drives don’t line up, it can be frustrating. But despite myths and stereotypes about men and women’s drives, there’s really no one-size-fits-all.
Everyone’s drive or drive goes through ebbs and flows. Your desire for intimacy can fluctuate due to:
- Hormonal changes
- Arousal
- Stress
- Relationship issues.
Just like your preferences in the bedroom, your drive is also highly personal.
It’s also important to remember that a high drive in women is completely normal. There’s a whole lot of chemistry involved with making our bodies tick, and intimacy hormones like estrogen and testosterone, which can have a strong impact on drive, are present in all people to varying levels.
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High Drive in Women
There’s a strong connection between testosterone levels and men’s drives, with lower testosterone resulting in a lower drive. But what about drive in women?
A 2016 report suggests that estrogen therapy for menopause may trigger higher drive in women.
Researchers of a small older study found a potential connection between testosterone and higher solitary desire (AKA solo intimacy) in women.
Ultimately, though, research into women’s pleasure and desire is still in its early days.
So, is there a way to know if your partner’s drive is high? What are the signs a woman has a high drive?
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What Is Considered a High Drive for a Woman?
Let’s start with a basic question: what is the meaning of high drive in females?
Drive reflects the constant fluctuations in a person’s arousal, desire, reward, and inhibition. In other words, drive is a person’s desire for intimate activity.
What does high drive mean? Here’s the tricky part: there’s no such thing as a normal drive. A healthy drive means that you have a desire to engage in intimate behavior that feels satisfying and fulfilling for you.
It’s difficult to define exactly what a higher drive involves — it’s different for everybody. A high drive is an increase in desire for intimacy, while a low drive means the opposite.
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Signs of High Drive in Females
According to a 2009 study published in a recent journal signs of high drive in women might include:
- Engaging in more intimate communication
- Having more intimate thoughts and fantasies
- Being more intimately adventurous
- Having higher levels of intimate self-esteem
- Having better body image
This study also noted that women with high drives tend to have more positive attitudes about casual intimacy, watching adult content, and solo time.
There’s also proof that being sedentary or overweight can lead to intimate dysfunction (like ED in men), while regular physical activity not only improves intimate function but can also boost a woman’s drive.
And while another 2011 study of over 280 college-aged men and women found that men thought about intimacy more often— the median was 19 times a day, compared to 10 daily thoughts in women — they also thought about food and sleep more often than women.
Of course, because “normal” is an elastic term and there’s no baseline for a typical drive in females, this is all subjective. And people’s definition of intimacy varies, too.
The tips below may help if you’re dating a woman with a high drive.
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6 Tips for Dealing With High Drive in Women
What do you do when you’re dating someone with a high drive?
Sometimes, examining the factors that affect drive in men and women can help you and your partner get on the same page intimately. Other times, you may just need to improve certain skills, like communication with your partner, or make specific lifestyle changes.
Whether you’re married, in a long-term relationship, or just casually dating, these tips will benefit both you and your partner.
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1. Give Yourself Time
To get in the mood, that is. Before you turn down intimacy, ask yourself this: can you get to a point where you’d want to have intimacy?
Maybe all you need is a little time or a little help (many of us have been there). Maybe you need to disconnect from work stress or digest more after a meal. Or maybe just a little more pre-play could help get you going.
And even if you think you know everything, this guide on how to get turned on is full of helpful tips that may surprise you.
Of course, if you’re really not in the mood, you don’t have to go through the motions or do something you don’t want to.
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2. Find Other Ways to Be Intimate
Intimacy can mean something different for everyone. So why not reframe what you consider intimacy?
Or if you don’t feel like being touched, how about kissing her while she touches herself? That way, she still gets the arousal and connection to you she seeks without you doing anything you don’t want.
Or you can use this as a time to try new things. The point is the possibilities are endless. If you’re looking for some inspiration, check out these tips on how to please a woman or ways to spice up your intimacy life.
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3. Reassure Her When You Turn Down intimacy
Sometimes, you just won’t feel intimate at all, which is okay. You shouldn’t push through just to please a partner. But how you respond affects how she will interpret the situation (and, in turn, how she feels about it).
First, reassure her about what’s really at play. Make sure she knows it’s nothing to do with her or your relationship — and if it is, that’s a different conversation you should have ASAP.
You don’t need to give a reason beyond “I’m not feeling it,” but elaborating can help squash her fears. Whatever the reason — too stressed, tired, etc. — let her know.
Then, figure out what her motivation for intimacy is. Sometimes, it’s about more than intimacy. If she’s seeking stress relief, watch a comedy show while you massage her shoulders. If she wants an arousal, encourage her to play with herself while you do something else. If she wants affection, cuddling could do the trick.
The most beautiful thing about intimacy with someone you care about is that it fills a lot of different roles in our lives. With a bit of intentionality, you’ll be able to find a way to meet her desires while also respecting your temporary lack of desire.
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4. Figure Out the Cause of Your Low Drive
There are two important things to remember here: how you’re feeling about intimacy is okay, and your drive can go through ups and downs.
However, if your low drive is constant, it may be worth seeing a doctor to rule out a medical condition. Low drive and reduced drive can be signs of some potential health issues, including (most commonly) low testosterone in men.
Hormone levels aren’t the only health conditions that can affect drive. Intimate health issues like PE, for example, may make you feel embarrassed about your performance in the bedroom and have less desire for intimacy.
And just like working out can boost female drive, your physical fitness can also play a role in the bedroom — there’s a potential connection between working out and drive for men as well.
While we can’t control time passing, it’s inevitable for many men to notice a connection between age and drive, with your drive dropping as the years climb higher.
Other low drive causes? High stress levels and mental health issues and some medications. A common symptom of depression, for example, is a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities, including intimacy.
What’s worse is that some of the antidepressants used to treat depression, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are on the list of medications that might lower your drive as a side effect. Other medications known to do this include beta-blockers for blood pressure and the hair loss treatment finasteride.
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5. Explore Ways to Increase Your Drive
If low drive is something you’ve had trouble with for some time, it may be worth seeking out professional help. There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling, but talking with a intimacy therapist might help work out some underlying issues.
Or if you’re concerned that health issues may be the cause of low drive, seek medical advice from your healthcare provider. They may recommend several changing medications, improving your diet, or testosterone therapy to improve ED and drive.
And while the research on these products is a bit murky, it may be worth checking out pills that claim to increase drive.
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6. Address Relationship Problems
If you and your partner sleep on opposite sides of the bed more often than not, you may need to take a step back and examine the relationship.
Poor communication, anger, hurt feelings, infidelity, and even boredom in long-term relationships can all lower your drive.
Or if you feel like your partner is pressuring you to have intimacy or even crossing boundaries and disregarding your feelings, taking a step back from the relationship or leaving it entirely may be the healthiest thing to do.
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The Final Word on High Drive in Women
In a perfect world, you and your partner would have perfectly matching drives (and have simultaneous arousals every single time you had intimacy).
However, we very much live in a world where drives don’t always align.
Remember:
- Your drive, or drive, can fluctuate due to several circumstances. This includes hormones, stress, lifestyle habits, and more. Despite stereotypes, high drive in women can and does commonly exist.
- There are a few signs of high drive in females. She may communicate more about her intimate desires, have more intimate fantasies, be more intimately adventurous, and have better self-esteem.
- If you’re dating a woman with high drive and are struggling to keep up, you can try new things. Reframe what intimacy is, be patient with getting turned on, reassure her why you’re not interested in intimacy or reexamine the relationship.
- Mismatched drives in partners can create significant stress in a relationship. If you’re concerned you have a low drive, it can be helpful to figure out the root cause and find ways to increase your drive.
If you think the cause of your low drive may be an intimate dysfunction, consider talking to a healthcare provider about ED treatments or PE treatments.
Not wanting to have intimacy when your partner does isn’t the end of the world. But know that the right person for you will try to understand and, at the very least, be respectful of your feelings, wants, and needs.
This article originally appeared on hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
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