106-year-old woman credits Jesus & McDonalds for longevity

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We imagine Jesus is pretty busy these days, but 106-year-old Dorothy Nedd of Philadelphia has found a way to take a little pressure off the Big Guy….Yep, its Big Macs.

That’s right. The great-great-grandmother has found a backdoor to life extension and we gotta believe the Lord is relieved to not have to carry all that burden himself, though he arguably knew and could have told the faithful at anytime over the past 2000 years. Sure, the faithful would have been very confused until 1968 when the Big Mac actually became a thing, but it would have kept things interesting.

Nedd, who celebrated her amazing 106th birthday earlier this month, discovered the unexpected longevity secret of Big Macs and faith in Jesus when she and her granddaughter Zulema began stopping by the hamburger heaven after mornings filled with fellowship and praise at their local house of worship. Dorothy has always ordered the Big Mac. She’s a fan it’s two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,  cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun (we know you sang it!).

But what are the details? How many Big Macs does a true believer need to eat to extend their life? Would it work with Whoppers or is it Big Mac specific? Surely Whataburger would also do the trick? These are the pressing questions we want answered, but Fox 5 New York reporter Marcus Espinoza didn’t go there.

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The only inside info we have comes from unofficial records kept by Zulema. She says her grandmother has been getting Big Macs for “a long time.” Obviously, this is a missed opportunity for science which will most certainly have long range implications for all of humanity, but that’s fine… Whatever….I guess nobody else gets to be 106 years old….

When asked how she was feeling after a very long life and a pretty steady diet of preservatives, Dorothy resoundedly replied, “I feel fine!”

Check out the interview here:

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