This article was reviewed by Kelly Brown, MD.
Better intimacy: every man’s white whale. It’s true that even the best lovers among us always have room for improvement — that’s why all your favorite athletes practice, you know.
While flipping through TikTok or reading Medium blogs published by an intimacy educator may yield some valuable info, there are only so many ways to reword the same basic ideas.
Maybe you’re dating a woman with high libido and trying to keep up with her healthy intimate life expectations. Or perhaps you’re just trying to improve your stamina so your partner doesn’t see commercial breaks as a “quick” window.
In any case, you don’t need a secret list of positions guarded by monks to have the best intimacy. You don’t need all-American power in the form of a high-wattage intimacy machine, either. All you need is an open mind — and some time.
Below, we’ll go over 11 of our favorite tips anyone can employ to make good intimacy better and improve overall enjoyment for you and your partner.
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11 Tips for Having Great Intimacy
Here’s a question an intimacy therapist might ask — and one we’re going to ask you before we dive into these tips: Why are you here?
Your intimate life may be good or bad. You or your partner might be happy or admit there are intimacy problems keeping you from really connecting.
Satisfaction and communication are deeply linked in the bedroom, and when communication breaks down, it can become an underlying cause of intimacy problems.
Once you identify the areas needing improvement, it’s time to put yourself to work.
Here’s how to do it.
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1. Go Back to Intimacy School
Our first tip is a simple, easy, jargon-free one: Learn.
Learning is fun, especially when the curriculum is about improving your intimate life. But seriously — though you might think you remember everything from your high school intimacy class, there’s always more to learn.
Education can help broach subjects that are difficult to talk about. You can share articles, passages and materials without having to, you know…say it out loud.
It’s also a great way to explore solutions to problems like painful intimacy, find words to describe your particular desires and, ultimately, become a more intelligent intimate partner.
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2. Do Kegel Exercises
Now that we’ve covered the mind, let’s talk about muscles.
Exercise is how we build muscle and stamina. Exercises like edging and Kegels can improve your intimate fitness and stamina, specifically.
Strong pelvic floor muscles can help you last longer. They’re also responsible for urinary health, so work them out regularly.
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3. Try Different Positions
We’re all for checking off every position from the latest Cosmopolitan guide. But let’s make one thing clear: Trying new positions doesn’t mean being an acrobat.
Finding ways to deepen your pleasure (and your partner’s) may require balance and flexibility. However, plenty of positions for oral and other ways to connect can stimulate sensitive zones without you having to make the Olympic qualifiers.
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4. Incorporate Toys
Who doesn’t love toys? Whether you’re into kink or not, adult toys are pretty mainstream these days. They might scare some men on the way to the bedroom, but for guys with male or female partners, adult toys can be more than a little fun.
If toys can help your partner arousal, and you can hold the toy, then congrats — you’re making your partner reach pleasure. Research has suggested that some toys may even help with ED.
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5. Use Lube
Lube can make intimacy less painful for people who struggle to produce it natural. Using lube can also help couples who are mismatched in size, as well as for that alternative entry point you keep asking about.
So make sure to keep some on hand, in your nightstand and on everything else.
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6. Write Down Your Fantasies
Intimacy advice blogs aren’t always reliable sources of guidance, but we have to hand this one to all of them: writing down your fantasies to share with your partner is a great way to communicate and boost intimacy.
It can also help you broach the subject if you’re uncertain about your partner’s reaction. The same goes for sharing a favorite movie scene, fetish or activity as a visual explainer. It may arouse your partner or shock them, but that’s where our next tip comes in.
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7. Be Neither Defensive nor Judgmental
There’s a lot of taboo, shame and self-consciousness wrapped up in fantasies. Whether you’re more into special things or cuddles or both, everyone has a different set of turn-on criteria — and your partner may not share the same ones as you.
When you talk about these things with them, remember to make the conversation a safe environment for sharing. Don’t judge — and if they judge, don’t get defensive. This is new territory, so take it slow.
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8. Be Patient and Realistic About Your Potential
While we’re advising you to take it slow, you should probably follow the same advice with the physical side of intimacy.
We’re not just talking about length and girth here, fellas. Although we’d all like to imagine we can handle that hours-long tantric experience, it’s not always possible (or safe) if you’re older, overweight or not in great health.
Don’t go straining yourself, pushing your limits, risking injury or taking any medications not prescribed to you to “get the blood flow going.”
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9. Take Care Of Your Mental Health
Therapy may not feel intimately connected to intimacy. But believe it or not, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues can hinder intimacy function, drive and libido.
In the same vein, addressing things like low self-esteem, intimacy fears and performance anxiety is essential for everyone to have a good time.
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10. Look Out For and Treat ED
ED is the recurring inability to achieve or maintain an arousal. Millions of men suffer from it, and treating it requires professional assistance.
ED can be a result of physiological factors. Poor diet, drug use, excess body weight, high blood pressure, heart disease and heavy alcohol intake can all cause it.
Lifestyle changes may help. Beyond that, PDE5-inhibitor medications like Viagra (and generic sildenafil), Stendra (avanafil) and Cialis (tadalafil) have decades of research proving their effectiveness.
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11. Address PE
Another thing that can cause issues is PE. This is when you finish before connectng.
A healthcare professional may recommend any number of treatments, including SSRIs like sertraline or paroxetine and numbing agents like our Clockstopper benzocaine wipes and Delay Spray.
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Enjoying a Better Intimate Life
As we hope we’ve hammered home here, everything really comes back to communication. It’s not just the dirty talk — it’s also the honesty, vulnerability and openness of saying what isn’t working.
Worry not — there’s a chance your partner has many of the same feelings and maybe some of the same desires.
Here’s what to keep in mind if you want to improve your intimate life:
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Intimate health is about the physical, emotional and mental well-being of you, your partner and the intimacy you share.
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A better intimate life necessarily requires improving your mind, body and emotional connection to really get the best out of every intimate experience.
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Men with ED may lose interest in intimate activity, if only to avoid further embarrassment.
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Deep breathing exercises and yoga may not be what you consider intimacy. But doing them before things kick off in the bedroom may help you maintain control over things like performance anxiety.
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While intense arousals are great, a satisfying intimate life is about making your partner feel safe, aroused and enthusiastic about your intimate time together.
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Healthcare professionals may prescribe medications, recommend lifestyle changes or refer you to a therapist for dysfunction relating to mental health or relationship issues.
Related: Can PE Condoms Help Men Last Longer?
Related: Can Minoxidil Cause ED?
This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org
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