Just about every guy will fail to perform in the bedroom at some point in life, and losing arousal is nothing you should feel ashamed or embarrassed about.
Feeling concerned, however, is totally normal, too — especially if the problem happens more than once.
You can lose your arousal during intimacy for a lot of reasons, from performance anxiety to alcohol consumption. Sometimes even an underlying health issue may make it hard for you to maintain arousal — yes, even when you’re “in the mood.”
Getting this problem solved is a multi-step process. Below, we’ve explained how and where to start, including:
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How and why ED can occur
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The symptoms of ED you might experience
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Reasons you may lose your arousal during intimacy
Options for treating weak or inconsistent arousals, improving your performance and enjoying more satisfying intimacy with your partner.
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Why Do Men Lose Arousal During Intimacy?
The right reaction to losing an arousal is to start asking questions — questions like “why can’t I stay hard?” or “why do I lose my arousal during intimacy?”
Losing arousals integrity can result from a number of factors. These can cause you to either lose your arousal during intimacy or get an arousal that isn’t quite firm enough for completion, including:
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Physical health conditions
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Medications and recreational drugs
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Factors related to your lifestyle
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Psychological issues like common mental health disorders
Sometimes, a combination of factors can affect your arousal, as well as other aspects of your health and function.
Getting hard may seem easy when you’re younger, but there are actually a number of complex processes that go into every arousal — it involves your hormones, your nervous system and your cardiovascular system.
An arousal begins with stimulation — either sensory (something you see, hear or touch) or mental. This triggers your nervous system and increases blood flow to your arteries. This continues until you climax or the arousal goes away — unless you’re experiencing arousal issues.
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Does Losing an Arousal Mean I Have (ED)?
Some men may imagine that full and permanent flaccidity is what ED is, but ED can vary in severity. So, whether you check the box for “can’t get aroused” or for “can’t keep arousal,” both are technically symptoms of ED if they happen repeatedly.
Men with severe ED might not be able to ever get any arousals, while men with mild ED may be able to get an arousal that just doesn’t last long enough to have satisfying, fulfilling intimacy every time.
According to the National Institutes of Health, around 30 million men in the US have some degree of ED. So, while the spectrum of symptoms can be wide, the reach of this particular health condition is considerably wider.
The truth is that failed arousals happen to all of us, and reacting the right way can make dealing with them (and preventing them) a much easier process for you.
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12 Causes for Losing Your Arousal
“Why can’t I get hard during intimacy?” and “why can’t I stay hard during intimacy?” are two very different questions. Still, whether you can’t keep an arousal or aren’t able to get one in the first place, the potential cause list is essentially the same.
Below we’ve set out 12 key causes of ED and arousal loss, where your arousal might be getting stuck, stalled or limited. If you suspect any of these to be factors that could apply to you, bring them up to a healthcare provider.
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Cardiovascular Issues
Cardiovascular health issues like heart disease, atherosclerosis (clogged arteries) and hypertension (high blood pressure) may affect your blood vessels and stop your privates from getting adequate blood flow for a consistent arousal.
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Kidney Diseases and Diabetes
Chronic medical conditions like diabetes and chronic kidney disease can affect your cardiovascular system and harm the nerves around your privates, potentially affecting blood flow and nerve function.
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Neurological Disorders
Nervous system disorders like multiple sclerosis (MS) can also affect your ability to get an arousal and maintain it while you’re having intimacy.
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Hormone Imbalances
Sometimes, physical issues that don’t directly affect your blood flow or nerve function can also have an impact on your ability to maintain an arousal by affecting your drive and everyday level of interest in activity.
In particular, maintaining adequate testosterone levels is important for keeping your drive healthy and consistent.
Although low testosterone doesn’t cause ED directly, it can reduce your desire and may play a role in some forms of dysfunction. This could affect your level of enjoyment and desire for intimacy in general, making it more difficult to keep an arousal.
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Injuries
Injuries to the privates that affect the function of your privates may make it more difficult for you to get hard and stay hard in general, and some of them can also cause arousals to become painful.
Peyronie’s disease — a condition characterized by fibrous scar tissue in the privates that can cause painful, curved arousals — can affect your arousals. Similarly, nerve damage from surgery or injuries may increase your risk of losing your arousals during intimacy.
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Smoking or Using other Nicotine Products
Smoking is a major risk factor for ED, both because of the damage it can cause to your heart system and the effects of nicotine.
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Drinking Alcohol, Especially to Excess
Alcohol and ED can go hand in hand. In an intoxicated condition, you may find it more difficult to maintain an arousal if you’ve had a few drinks before going to bed.
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Having Overweight or Obesity
While it’s okay not to be in great shape, having overweight or obesity is associated with a significantly higher risk of developing ED.
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Using Steroids
Although testosterone is linked to a higher drive in the short term, research suggests that the use of testosterone and other steroids may increase your risk of developing ED after discontinuation.
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Medication Side Effects
Many medications can affect your intimate life in different ways, including dulling excitement or reducing your general level of intimate function. Sometimes, these changes can make it more challenging to maintain an arousal during intercourse.
Medications that may cause you to lose your arousal include:
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Antidepressant drugs, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)
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Medications that affect androgen levels or cause hormone imbalances
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Prescription drugs used to promote sleep
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Appetite suppressants and/or weight loss medications
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Antihistamines used to treat colds and allergies
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Medications for Parkinson’s disease
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Blood pressure medications
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Medications for stomach ulcers
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Other medications
If you’re prescribed a new medication and notice that you’re now losing your arousal during intimacy, it’s best to talk to your healthcare provider. They adjust your dosage or prescribe a different medication with a lower risk of causing arousal issues.
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Recreational Drugs
In addition to over-the-counter and prescription medications, many recreational substances and illicit substances can cause arousal difficulties and affect your general intimate function, including:
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Amphetamines
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Barbiturates
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Cocaine
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Heroin
If you use illegal drugs and think you may have a substance use disorder, it’s important to talk to your healthcare provider as soon as you can.
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Depression, Stress and Anxiety
Finally, some psychological factors and mental health concerns may affect your ability to remain hard while you’re having intimacy.
Anxiety and depression are both associated with a higher risk of developing ED. Feelings of anxiety, fear or guilt about intimacy can cause you to lose your arousal when they become severe.
Sometimes, even stress — about your function specifically or from your career or relationships — can affect your arousals and ability to properly connect with your partner.
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How to Stop Losing Your Arousal During Intimacy
Losing an arousal in the middle of intimacy can be frustrating. But it’s not uncommon for men to lose an arousal during intimacy because they’re anxious, stressed, intoxicated or distracted. You don’t necessarily have ED if this happens occasionally, but if it starts to become a pattern, these and other factors may indicate that you should seek ED treatment.
The good news is a variety of treatment options are available to help you more easily maintain your arousal during intimacy, ranging from lifestyle changes to medication.
Make Changes to Your Lifestyle
For the most part, promoting healthy arousals is all about living a healthy, balanced and active lifestyle.
If you’re flaccid due to some obvious physical causes, you should look at your body for solutions. Small, simple changes can have a huge impact on your performance — sometimes without involving medication.
And science generally agrees. In a meta-analysis from 2011, researchers found that aerobic exercise correlates with a measurable improvement in the symptoms of ED.
In our guide to naturally protecting your arousal, we shared several approaches to try for better arousals naturally. They basically boil down to the following medical advice:
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Keep your body weight in the healthy range
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Pay attention to your blood pressure, and treat it if it’s elevated
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Eat a diet that’s built around fruit, vegetables, whole grains and other nutritious foods
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Keep track of mental health concerns and don’t be afraid to seek treatment
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Make aerobic exercise part of your daily routine (even if it’s just a little bit)
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If your drive feels weak, get your testosterone levels checked
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Improve your sleep habits and aim for seven hours or more per night
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Limit your consumption of adult content, as it may affect your arousals
While these techniques aren’t guaranteed to improve your arousals, they can have a noticeable impact, especially if you only lose your arousal occasionally.
We’d also like to point to two common habits changes you may want to make today:
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Avoid smoking cigarettes or consuming nicotine in other ways. One study found that men given nicotine showed low arousal response to erotic material — a factor that may make it harder to feel aroused during intimate activity.
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Reduce your alcohol intake to no more than two servings per day. In one study from 2007 in men with alcohol dependence, researchers found that the amount of alcohol a person consumes is the most significant predictor of developing dysfunction out of the things they tested for.
If any one of these pieces of advice stands out as particularly relevant to your life, focusing on it can often lead to immediate improvement.
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Take Part in Psychotherapy
Seeking psychotherapy could be beneficial, as it can be used to treat performance anxiety, stress and other factors that can contribute to arousal problems and loss of arousal when you want it most.
If you think that a psychological problem could be contributing to weak, partly flaccid or inconsistent arousals, talk to a medical professional.
Depending on your needs, your therapist may suggest an approach such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to overcome negative thoughts and work on your self-esteem to return your arousal function.
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Use ED Medication
Contrary to popular belief and advertising campaigns, ED medications like sildenafil aren’t just used by middle-aged and older men (not that there’s anything wrong with being one of either!).
Data show that about 40 percent of men experience some level of ED by the age of 40, with an increasing number of younger men using sildenafil and other drugs to deal with ED as it develops.
Medication works. Currently, the FDA has approved four prescription oral medications for ED. All of these medications belong to a class of drugs referred to as PDE5 inhibitors, which make getting and maintaining an arousal easier by increasing blood flow to your privates.
They include:
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Sildenafil (the active ingredient in Viagra)
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Vardenafil (Levitra)
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Avanafil (sold as Stendra)
There are also other medications available for ED that aren’t PDE5 inhibitors, such as the injectable medication, alprostadil.
Each ED medication is slightly different — some drugs last for longer, while others produce fewer side effects. You can learn more about the key differences between these ED drugs in our guide to the best medications for ED.
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Staying Hard During Intimacy
For men who can’t stay hard and find themselves wondering “why does my arousal go away so fast?” intimacy can be an anxiety-inducing activity. But, chances are, it’s not where all of the problems lie.
Men’s health is an emergency light problem for most guys — it doesn’t get much attention until a problem puts you in park. Dealing with a lost arousal can feel like a serious blow to your confidence, but it doesn’t need to be something you dwell on — or experience again.
To get back on the road, remember the following:
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It’s completely normal to occasionally lose your arousal during intimacy.
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You should absolutely seek treatment, however, if it’s a constant and consistent issue in the bedroom.
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It might signal a bigger problem that needs treatment like obesity, addiction or a mental health issue.
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ED medications can make keeping an arousal easier, and give you a confidence boost in bed, and therapy can help too.
Interested in learning more about factors that can affect your performance? Our detailed guides to the causes of ED and (PE) talk about two of the most common male intimate issues, as well as the steps that you can take to deal with them.
This article originally appeared on ForHers.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
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