This article was reviewed by Kelly Brown MD, MBA.
ED affects roughly 30 million men in the United States, so if you’ve got it, you’re definitely not alone. Unfortunately, if ED is causing relationship problems, your partner isn’t alone, either.
ED can make firm arousals and satisfying intimacy hard to come by. This and other dysfunctions can really do harm to intimacy, satisfaction, communication and connection with a partner.
There’s more than one person in a relationship. So it’s vital to remember that even if you’re the one with ED, you’ve got two people’s feelings to respect and protect.
Below, we’ll outline key strategies and activities to help you deal with ED problems in your relationship. We’ll also go over a few things you can (and probably should) do about ED itself — treatment options, lifestyle changes and more.
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How to Deal With ED in a Relationship
Let’s get right to it. There are numerous safe and effective treatments for ED. However, ED treatment doesn’t often address the dysfunction in another critical area: your relationship.
Keep scrolling for tips on how to communicate, connect and find balance with your better half while working out the (other) kinks in your intimate life.
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Communicate With Your Partner
As a romantic partner or husband with ED, communication is key — but it’s about more than simply saying, “Hey, I have this problem.” It’s how you say it and what you say you’ll do about it.
Talking about ED can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable, but try to reject the shame.
Communicate what you know, what you don’t know, what you’re worried about and what your plan is to fix the issue. That might include seeing a urologist, asking for prescription ED treatment or even speaking with an intimate therapist.
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Listen When They Communicate Back
During the conversation, your partner will probably want to discuss their observations, feelings and experiences.
This could be the factors they think are contributing to your ED like stress, daily habits or lifestyle issues. It could get pretty personal, but try to be patient and not defensive.
Let them know when something is sensitive or if you’d like them to be more tactful, and focus on the shared goal of improving the relationship. At the same time, remember they might have been trying to breathe, too, while the elephant in the room has been sitting on their chest.
A review in Nature Reviews Urology looked at data from women with partners affected by ED. It found that untreated ED caused them to experience a reduction in intimate desire, loss of arousal and, in some cases, a reduced level of general life satisfaction.
Feeling safe to share is crucial for both partners — and it’s the best way to get back to satisfaction.
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Be Intimate in Different Ways
There are so many ways to spice things up in the bedroom. But whether you’re with a new partner or one you’ve known intimately for years, you can always find something to spice things up.
Want a head start with brainstorming? You could:
- Try new positions
- Take “pre-play” into overtime
- Experiment with toys
- Explore kinks and role-playing with each other
- Discuss fantasies
- Make “solo time” a shared activity
- Talk more frequently about your drive
These are just a few off-the-cuff ideas. There are nearly endless ways to be intimate with a partner.
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Learn About the Causes of ED
We won’t hammer on the education part of health too much. Still, it’s important to understand what’s going on downstairs to fix the plumbing issues — get it?
Older men are more likely to experience ED — but often for different reasons than younger men. That’s why ED in seniors differs from ED in your 30s or ED in your 20s. It’s also not the same as so-called sudden ED that shows up one week and sticks around.
Physical health issues like heart disease, diabetes, atherosclerosis, high blood pressure and multiple sclerosis (MS) can affect the neurological, vascular and hormonal functioning of health.
Psychological factors, certain medications and day-to-day habits could also be factors or causes of ED. For instance, anxiety, depression, antidepressants, worries about performance, obesity, smoking, drinking, low self-esteem, feelings of guilt and poor sleep can all mess with your arousals.
Doing your homework on the issue will help you make informed judgments about what path to take in treatment. It’ll also give you the knowledge to answer questions from a partner experiencing uncertainty. So ace the test for both of you.
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Explore ED Medications
ED can often be treated using medication.
The most common ED drugs are PDE5 inhibitors, which increase blood flow to your privates by relaxing blood vessels in your privates. PDE5 medications include:
- Sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra
- Tadalafil, the active ingredient in Cialis
- Vardenafil, the active ingredient in Levitra
- Avanafil, the active ingredient in Stendra
You can talk to a licensed healthcare provider online to learn more about ED medications, ask about side effects and, if appropriate, receive a prescription to purchase ED medication online.
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Consider Therapy for Psychological ED
It’s safe to say in-person or online therapy is the best place to start when you’re experiencing psychological ED.
Several therapy forms can be used to treat ED, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Research shows CBT can improve arousal function and satisfaction in men affected by ED.
Intimacy therapy, meanwhile, can help you and your partner overcome issues using practical, results-focused solutions to improve your relationship.
Our guides to the psychological causes of ED and therapy as a treatment for ED go into more detail about these treatment options.
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Make Healthy Lifestyle Changes
Sometimes, it’s easy to maintain an arousal dependably again just by living a healthier lifestyle.
If you’re not taking your health seriously, this might be a great time to:
- Check for underlying medical conditions. If you aren’t sure why ED is occurring, talk to your healthcare provider about tests to see if a health issue is the root cause.
- Exercise frequently. Research shows aerobic exercise may have a positive effect on intimate health when performed regularly.
- Maintain a healthy body weight. While fat isn’t exactly a cause of ED, obesity is a significant risk factor. Research shows obese men are three times more likely to develop ED than men in the normal range.
Stop smoking. Tobacco can damage the cardiovascular system and affect blood flow to the privates. So quitting may be hard, but it’s the best way to get… well, you get it.
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Dealing With ED In a Relationship: Next Steps
Let’s get real for a second: Your partner is the priority when ED is making the bedroom a problem place.
Before you go stocking up on ED medications and training for a marathon, talk to your partner.
- Sometimes, solving the intimate function problem without communicating about it does more damage than reaching out.
- Don’t leave doubt. Talk it out.
- Be clear, honest and a good listener when talking about ED.
- Look into treatment options and discuss your health honestly, even if it means sharing health concerns, admitting to performance anxiety or revealing a health condition that’s undermining your intimacy.
- Remind them that your ED isn’t their fault — it’s a health condition.
- Seek medical advice for the physical and mental health issues you might be dealing with.
- If you’re here researching your partner’s ED, check out our many men’s health guides. We’ve covered premature discharge, performance anxiety and endless other related topics.
ED is almost always treatable. You may be able to treat ED and improve performance using medication, healthy lifestyle changes or a combination of these things.
But start with what matters: your partner. Talk to them today. The doctor can wait until tomorrow.
This article originally appeared on hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
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