This article was reviewed by Kelly Brown, MD.
What is healthy intimate life:? The answer may be different for every person, but there are some key elements that everyone seems to agree on.
Healthy intimacy happens between people who trust each other, feel a connection and effectively communicate their desires with each other. It’s also about feeling comfortable with yourself, your body and what you want.
If your intimate life is missing any of those elements, there are changes you can make to your lifestyle, relationship and approach to get the healthy intimate life you want. Read on for our best tips. They just might change the way you think about intimacy. Plus they can help you start a conversation with your partner(s) about what good, healthy intimacy looks and feels like.
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What Is a Healthy Intimate Life?
Before we talk about achieving a healthy intimate life, it’s probably important to answer the question most people want to ask: “how much intimacy is healthy and normal to have?”
There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. While some research pegs the average frequency between couples around once a week, you don’t need to compare your intimate life to that of others to decide if it’s satisfying. And you certainly don’t have to set — or hit — a quota. Instead, focus on what you and your partner find enjoyable and manageable, without placing stress, pressure or the demand for performance on one another.
Beyond that, the criteria for a good and enjoyable intimate life are simple. They can be divided into three groups:
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A healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is key to a great intimate experience. Your self-esteem and your path to a better intimate life are attached to your partner, and the trust and connection you share determines whether physical intimacy is everything you want, or coming up short.
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A healthy body. Intimate health is hard to maintain without a functioning body, and that doesn’t just apply to the more athletically challenging positions you might be trying. Proper arousal function, immune system health, cardiovascular health and hormone balances are a must for great intimacy.
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A healthy mind. While the health benefits of a good relationship and a great body may already be boosting your bedroom performance, mental health is at the center of it. Stress, anxiety, poor body image and a fear of rejection are all mental health traps that can stand in the way of a good intimate life.
Mastering these things takes time, work and patience. Luckily, we have some tips for doing it well.
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8 Tips for a Healthy Intimate Life
A healthy and satisfying intimate life is like a pet — you’ve got to take care of it. Even if you’d rate your intimate time highly right now, the below list of ways to improve your intimate life is still an essential checklist for keeping that grade up, and keeping your partner on the same page.
1. Get Regular Medical Care
A checkup is an essential activity for a healthy intimate life. Women may visit a healthcare provider when they experience menopause, painful intimacy or dryness, but ED is typically the number one reason men check in.
Our advice: don’t let it get there. See your primary care physician regularly, and track your blood pressure, test for heart health, keep an eye on your endocrine and nervous systems and monitor other potential canaries in the coal mine of health problems.
Blood flow is especially important for men to monitor, because high blood pressure is among the most common physical causes of ED. And don’t forget that your PCP can chat through any psychological and lifestyle factors that could be impacting your intimate life.
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2. Communicate Openly
Take stock of your intimate life and how you feel about it. What do you like about it? Are you satisfied? Is your partner?
Do you wish you had intimacy more frequently or felt more intimacy with your partner?
Being satisfied in the bedroom is directly connected to how well you communicate with your partner.
Of course, speaking up can be tricky. You may worry your partner will judge you, or you could be afraid you’ll hurt their feelings.
But think of it this way: wouldn’t you want to know if your intimate partner needed something different? Your partner likely feels the same way.
Still nervous? Know this: a 2018 study found that there was a significant link between pleasure frequency and communication.
Having an open line of communication between you and your partner can be really powerful when it comes to improving your intimate life.
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3. Stay Curious
No matter how many times you’ve had intimacy, there’s always more to learn. Staying curious can keep things steamy.
Learning about intimacy with a partner you respect may allow you both to explore things you may be interested in, address issues in the bedroom and discover new ways to find pleasure.
If you are uncomfortable talking bluntly about intimacy with your partner, there are other ways to communicate your needs. For instance, sharing articles that resonate with you can be a way to broach different topics.
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4. Try New Things
The same moves won’t always yield the same results, and relying on a routine can lead to boredom — even if you have an active intimate life.
Trying a new position can keep things interesting and unpredictable.
Not only that, different positions can help address issues you may be having. For example, entering a woman from behind can help stimulate her G-spot, which can help her reach pleasure.
Another way to keep your intimate life healthy and interesting? Introduce adult toys. Some men are intimidated by toys, thinking they’ll be replaced. Instead, think of it as an ally that can help you please a female partner.
One study even found that women who used a toy in bed reported significantly higher rates of desire and arousal.
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5. Do Kegel Exercises
Yes, you read that right — kegels aren’t just for women. In fact, they can really help with certain intimate issues for men.
Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. When you’re ready to get started, flex the muscles you use to hold in urine. Your goal is to tighten them for five seconds and then release, repeating this 10 times.
Still wondering what the fuss is about? In addition to preventing urine and feces leakage (which…yes please), research has found that kegels can help alleviate PE issues.
One study of 40 men found that 82.5 percent of them were able to gain control of their intimacy reflex after 12 weeks of pelvic floor exercises for PE.
They can also help if you’re dealing with ED. One study of 55 healthy men over the age of 20 who were experiencing ED found that after six months of consistent pelvic floor muscle exercises, 40 percent of the men had regained normal intimacy function.
Even if you don’t deal with PE or ED, kegels are a great way to maintain your intimate life fitness.
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6. Use Lubrication
Lube can help things go smoothly — literally and figuratively.
In a 2011 study, when lube was used, women reported much higher rates of satisfaction.
Using a lubricant can also create a more pleasurable experience for men.
You just have to decide what type of lube you want to use. Water-based lubricant is easy to find, affordable and washes off easily.
There’s also silicone-based lube, which lasts longer than the water-based kind. One drawback: some people find their skin gets irritated if they don’t wash it off right after intimacy.
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7. Embrace Touching and Cuddling
Our minds tend to jump to getting immediately into action when we picture a fulfilling intimacy life, but an intimate relationship is about much more.
Time before being intimate increases lubrication, excitement and connection, while cuddling can deepen your bond and increase the impact of hormones like oxytocin and the endorphins associated with intimacy.
Research is still ongoing into things like postcoital dysphoria — a kind of temporary sadness that some individuals experience after intimacy, but certified intimacy therapists and other mental health professionals might recommend the physical presence of a trusted partner as part of the solution.
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8. Get Help When You Need It
Fact: you can’t have a healthy intimate life if you are dealing with any sort of dysfunction.
If you suspect you may have ED, it can feel pretty devastating. But you should know that according to the National Institutes of Health, about 30 million men in the United States are affected by ED.
ED can be treated with medications like tadalafil and sildenafil. If you think you may be a good candidate for these ED medications, the first step is to talk to a healthcare provider.
If you suspect your emotions are impacting your arousal quality more than your physical health, talking to an intimacy therapist is a good place to start. They can help you work through the potential causes and identify clear next steps.
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Having Better Intimacy
Now that you’ve read all of these tips, know this: you don’t have to do them all at once.
Start with the ones that you think will be the most helpful in creating an enjoyable, healthy intimate life.
Our suggestion? Start with communication. Just about everyone can benefit from opening up. When you’re able to talk with your partner about what brings you pleasure and what doesn’t, you’ll feel the impact in the bedroom.
Related: Does Arousal Mean Attraction? An Expert Breaks Down Fact From Fiction
Related: Is There a Simple Trick to Cure ED?
This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org
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