Want your guy to last longer during intimacy? You’re not alone.
If you’re the partner of a man who’s finishing too early, you may be wondering if he’s struggling with PE, a dysfunction that affects around 20 to 30 percent of active men. You may also be wondering how to make intimacy last longer.
While there are some strategies you can employ as a partner to help prolong intimacy, ultimately, addressing PE and learning how to last longer as a guy is collaborative. Your partner must play a major role in his own improvement, whether that’s seeing a therapist or using prescription medication to delay discharge.
This article is for partners who are dissatisfied with the length of their intimate sessions. Below, we’ll share tips on how to help men last longer, from switching positions to over-the-counter numbing remedies.
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How Long Does the Average Guy Last in Bed?
The average guy lasts around five to seven minutes in bed. But, all guys are different. And what might be normal for one couple may not work as well for another. While five to seven minutes is the average, it’s ultimately up to you and your partner to decide what length of time is sufficient to meet both of your needs.
Here’s the real talk, though: Not every guy who’s finishing fast is experiencing PE, and not every guy experiencing PE is leaving his partner unsatisfied.
PE can actually only be diagnosed if one or both partners are experiencing “distress.” So if his average time to discharge is 90 seconds and it doesn’t bother you because it comes after 90 minutes, you can return to your regularly scheduled programming.
However, if his 90 seconds is bothering you, keep reading for some tips on what you can both do to prolong performance.
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9 Tips to Help a Man Last Longer in Bed
Intimate health isn’t just about your privates. Figuring out how to last longer involves both physical and mental practices.
After all, your guy might be finishing too early due to psychological causes like performance anxiety. Or, he might be struggling with physical issues like high sensitivity in his privates or urology-related problems.
Your job isn’t to play urologist, though. It’s simply to connect and communicate with him while offering help where you can. Here are some ideas.
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1. Take It Slow
You may be used to telling your partner to slow down for your sake, but having him take his time may have benefits beyond what you gain from pre-play.
Having your man keep his foot on the brake can not only prolong each intimate encounter but also cancel out the instinctive part of his brain that wants to finish ASAP. This is sometimes known as the point of no return.
Prolonging the build-up might include deep breathing or other practices, like the stop-start technique. This technique simply involves stopping during intimacy to prevent climax and arousal and then starting up again after the urge goes away.
Experiment to find what helps you both get better joy out of intimacy.
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2. Use a Condom or Numbing Agent
Those experiencing PE may need the opposite of toys — they need ways to tone down stimulation, not amp it up. For many guys, the best tool for discharge control is a desensitizing agent.
Some men get what they need in that department just by wearing a condom, but others might need something more potent to reduce the intensity of their pleasure. Lidocaine, benzocaine, and other topical anesthetics can be applied directly to the orivates to decrease sensitivity and delay climax. Another way to achieve desensitization during experiences is to use a special condom lubricated with benzocaine (on the inside).
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3. Switch Positions
Switching positions can further delay time-to-climax for your partner.
For instance, the cowgirl position lets him relax and thrust less, which may reduce his sensitivity. Another bonus of this position and other angles that give you more access to your privates, is that you’ll have more opportunity to use a toy.
After all, research shows that only about six percent of women come from penetrative alone. Why not increase your odds?
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4. Teach Him Kegels
There’s some anecdotal evidence suggesting that Kegels can help men last longer in bed. You might know these as pelvic floor exercises and may already do them yourself to improve your pelvic floor and aid blood flow.
Kegel exercises are similar for men and, if done correctly, might increase his stamina — at least according to some research. If nothing else, it’s a nice way to work out together.
How men can perform Kegels:
- Squeeze and hold pelvic floor muscles (the same muscles that stop the flow of urine mid-stream) for around five seconds.
- Relax muscles.
- Repeat the process 10 to 20 times, three to four times a day.
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5. Suggest the Squeeze Technique
Remember we said to go slowly during intimacy? The squeeze technique is one he can use during a pause in intimacy. Here’s how to do it:
- Stop having intimacy just before climaxing.
- Gently squeeze the head with the index finger and thumb to decrease arousal.
- Wait until the urge to climax passes (around 30 seconds).
- Proceed with intimacy.
- Repeat as needed until you’re both satisfied.
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6. Practice Open Communication
Any number of experts will tell you the same thing: Communication matters in intimacy as it does in any other area of a relationship. And if your guy is feeling self-conscious about his lack of stamina, starting the conversation might lead to more solutions and fewer relationship problems.
Truth be told, your partner could be embarrassed about not being able to give you longer intimacy. He may be experiencing performance anxiety or feel ashamed or nervous to share.
Giving him an opportunity to talk about it might take some pressure off and help the two of you devise a strategy to make him last longer — or simply to help you both get what you want, which may involve other ideas.
If you feel like you could both use the guidance of a healthcare professional, seek out a couples therapist, intimate professionals, or other mental health provider to see together.
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7. Make Healthy Lifestyle Changes Together
Hitting the gym and eating healthy food may not seem like the solution to lasting longer in bed, but you’d be surprised.
PE may be the result of certain undiagnosed health conditions like an infection of the urethra or urinary tract, low levels of serotonin, high blood pressure, or hormonal imbalances.
Some healthy lifestyle choices you can make together to improve your wellness include:
- Exercising together
- Eating nutritious foods
- Maintaining a healthy weight to avoid high cholesterol and obesity
- Prioritizing sleep
- Cutting back on alcohol
- Quitting smoking
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8. Suggest Solo-Time Beforehand
Solo-time beforehand can be a great tool to help desensitize him before the main event. But we’re not talking about foreplay just before intimacy (which can sabotage your efforts due to the refractory period). Instead, suggest he have solo-time a few hours before intimacy to release tension and built-up energy.
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9. Treat PE With Medication
If you’re trying to help your man control discharge, you might want to explore treatments for PE together.
Nothing currently stops PE with 100 percent reliability. But there are PE pills and other treatments to try. We already mentioned topical anesthetics, which come in the form of creams, sprays, and climax control condoms. You also learned about the stop-start and squeeze techniques. But did you know there are prescription medications that can help PE?
These medications include:
- Antidepressants. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like paroxetine, sertraline, fluoxetine, and dapoxetine are sometimes prescribed off-label by healthcare providers to increase serotonin in the brain. One of their side effects is delayed discharge, which can be useful if you’re struggling with PE.
- ED medications. Though (ED) is a separate dysfunction, sometimes ED medications are prescribed for PE to help users maintain an arousal longer or after the refractory period. These drugs may include tadalafil (Cialis®), sildenafil (Viagra®), avanafil (Stendra®), vardenafil (Levitra®), or chewable ED meds.
Each of these can offer a potentially simple solution while he works on other long-term stamina strategies.
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A Final Word on How to Help Men Last Longer
Since we know that conversation can be hard to start and hard to guide, here are some takeaways to share and discuss when you’re working towards a better intimate life together:
- PE isn’t an easily solved problem. However, teamwork can help facilitate communication, make sure everyone’s needs are met, and provide road-test solutions in a judgment-free environment.
- Many guys struggle to face these problems, so offering support and love can help them open up and feel comfortable discussing the issue. They may respond by being more willing to seek medical advice and therapy, more open to treatment options, and more game for activity.
- Men dealing with PE might benefit from a range of tools and tactics. Toys, techniques, exercises, and even medications may help men last longer, but everyone is different.
- If he’s struggling to keep it up or get it up in the first place, his problem isn’t PE — it’s ED. Luckily, there are a number of FDA-approved ED treatments already on the market.
Making intimacy last longer can take some experimentation, but when you explore solutions together, anything is possible. For more tips and resources, check out this article on the mental side of PE, find out how to deal with PE in a relationship, and read about four PE exercise.
This article originally appeared on hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
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