Your loved ones can go out with a bang with this ash cannon


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Remember how we’ve all been clamoring for a way to make memorial services more bizarre and unsettling and loud?

Well, we have a winner because now you can very literally go out with a bang.

The Loved One Launcher is an ash-scattering, handheld cannon powered by two CO2 cartridges that can apparently launch the remains of the deceased one up to 70 feet.

That’s not all. You can amp this up by adding confetti and glitter to your loved one’s earthly remains, making it a truly festive experience. According to Cremation Solutions, the out-of-the-box, or should I say inside-the-cannon thinking manufacturer,  “adding glitter and streamers makes for a dreamy visual effect, creating a beautiful, joyful scene that sets the perfect tone.”

Of course, it does.

Here’s the official answer to “Why would we put meemaw in a cannon with glitter and streamers?”

“Paying homage to a loved one’s life is simple and intimate with what feels almost like a daytime fireworks display in their honor,” Cremation Solutions writes on their website. “The sight of blasting the ashes into the sky will bring to mind feelings of celebration, happiness, and companionship.” reads their website.

The Launcher, which goes for $395, should not be aimed at any structure or living thing as its blast is powerful and should only be handled and operated by an adult. It will take two shots to disperse all the ashes of an average adult. More shots if more confetti is desired.

Desired? Pshaw! Necessary!

I just sincerely hope there won’t be a catapult model for non-cremated loved ones.

Here, you can take a sneak peek of how the “death cannon” actually works.