This article was reviewed by Mike Bohl, MD
I used to think I had arousals figured out. Back in college, if I was making out with a guy and I felt him getting aroused through his jeans, it was a clear sign he was into me. If he wasn’t getting aroused, he wasn’t.
But things aren’t so black and white.
As a more experienced adult, I now know that arousal
sometimes fail to happen for many reasons that don’t always have to do with attraction — stress, fatigue, performance anxiety, alcohol, and more.
Plus, arousal can also show up when a guy isn’t even thinking about intimacy. From morning wood to blood disorders, arousal occurs for several non-intimate reasons, too.
I wanted to find out if people understand the link between arousal and attraction. So, I asked a few men and women, “Does arousal mean attraction?” Their answers were surprising and insightful.
Keep reading to find out what they said and how it stacks up against scientific research.
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5 Types of Attraction
First, let’s get one thing straight. Attraction comes in many forms, not just intimate. There are different ways to break down the different types of attraction, but here’s one way to think about it.
They include:
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Physical attraction. You’re attracted to someone’s appearance but don’t necessarily want to pursue them intimatly. You may still crave physical closeness and touch, though.
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Emotional attraction. You’re attracted to someone’s personality or characteristics, not necessarily their appearance.
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Romantic attraction. You want to have a romantic or intimate relationship with someone, which may or may not include intimacy. For instance, ace people may desire a romantic partnership even if they don’t have intimate interest.
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Intimate attraction. You want to pursue intimate activities with people you’re attracted to. It can trigger the physiological changes that accompany arousal.
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Aesthetic attraction. You find something or someone visually appealing, but it’s not connected to intimate or romantic attraction.
Understanding the different types of attraction is important because not all result in arousal. You can feel romantic or emotional attraction with or without getting aroused. And guess what? The lack of getting aroused doesn’t make your feelings any less real.
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What Causes Intimate Attraction?
Ever felt that magnetic pull toward someone? What’s really going on in your body and brain when that happens?
Let’s break down the factors that play a role in intimate attraction:
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The brain. When you’re attracted to someone, different areas of the brain, like the thalamus, hypothalamus, and amygdala, process erotic stimuli, and play a role in mate choice.
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Neurotransmitters. Intimate attraction can trigger the release of brain chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. These chemicals and others play a role in arousal.
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Hormones. Circulating gonadal hormones like testosterone and estrogen also play a role in regulating intimate motivation and behavior in men and women.
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Pheromones. Humans and animals secrete these chemicals to communicate with each other. Some studies show that pheromones may increase feelings of attraction and intimate desire—although more research is needed to understand the role of pheromones in humans.
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Familiarity. Some controversial research shows that we may be more intimately attracted to people who look like us or our family members.
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How Does Arousal Work?
An arousal happens when your privates are hard from increased blood flow.
Your nervous system sends messages to your privates via your nerves, causing your muscles to relax, your blood vessels to widen, and the spongy tissues of your privates to become engorged with blood, making it easier to have intimacy.
Though arousals often occur due to psychological stimulation, they can also happen due to physical stimulation. Nocturnal arousal (AKA morning wood) are another example of a type of arousal that doesn’t necessarily have to do with psychological stimulation.
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Does Arousal Mean Attraction?
Not always.
“Arousals are a mechanical process that occurs when blood flows into the privates faster than it leaves, causing pressure to build up. Intimate attraction and arousal, which occur in the brain, trigger this process by sending signals to the privates that increase blood flow–but other processes can affect the balance of blood inflow and outflow that have nothing to do with intimate attraction,” says Dr. Peter J. Stahl, MD, SVP of Men’s intimate Health & Urology at Hims & Hers.
He points to blood disorders as a prime example of a non-intimate trigger for arousal.
“In people with blood disorders, blood can sometimes get so thick that it can’t flow out of the privates quickly enough. That causes a prolonged, painful arousal that definitely has nothing to do with intimacy, and is a true medical emergency,” says Dr. Stahl.
When I asked around to see if people thought arousals were always tied to attraction, most said no.
“No, I can get an arousal for any random reason and if I manage to think about something else for a while it will subside,” said William*, 32.
He also told me he could get an arousal and have casual intimacy with people he wasn’t attracted to.
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What The Research Says
Studies on random or spontaneous arousals show they can occur for some non-intimate reasons, including:
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Medications like certain anticoagulants and ADHD medications
Intimate touch and thoughts can also contribute to arousal and intimate excitement, even when you’re not feeling intimately attracted to someone.
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If a Guy Can’t Get Aroused, Is It My Fault?
Just like you can get an arousal for non-intimate reasons, sometimes they don’t happen for non-intimate reasons too.
But it can be tough not to take it personally if your partner is having intimacy difficulties.
When I asked Sunny, 37, if she’d feel less attractive if her partner had difficulty getting an arousal, she said, “Absolutely. It’s a mood killer and makes me overthink if someone else is on his mind, if I’m attractive, or if I did something to turn him off.”
But men sometimes have this difficulty or lose their arousal during intimacy for a variety of reasons that include:
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Performance anxiety
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Depression
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Medical conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, or low testosterone
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Side effects of medications (like antidepressants)
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Alcohol use
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Steroid use
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Refractory period after intimacy or solo-time.
While you’re not alone if you have difficulty getting aroused occasionally, ongoing issues may indicate a deeper issue. ED is one of the most common dysfunctions, affecting 30 million men in the U.S. alone. Fortunately, ED treatments are available, including prescription medication and psychotherapy.
There are also treatments for other dysfunctions that can interfere with intimacy function, like a low drive or PE.
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A Final Word on Arousal and Attraction
Can guys get aroused for anyone, even someone they’re not attracted to? In some cases, yes.
By now you know that arousals are a complex phenomenon that can happen for both intimate and non-intimate reasons.
Here’s what we know:
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Attraction comes in many forms. Beyond intimate attraction, there’s romantic, emotional, and aesthetic attraction — all completely valid but not always arousal-triggering.
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Arousals can occur for non-intimate reasons that have nothing to do with attraction. Privates injuries and certain medications can cause an arousal.
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Arousals can also fail for non-intimate reasons. Performance anxiety, alcohol, low testosterone levels, mental health issues, and many other factors can make it difficult to get an arousal, even if you’re attracted to someone.
Related: Is There a Simple Trick to Cure ED?
Related: How Effective Is Cialis (& How Much Does It Cost)?
This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org
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