This article was edited by Kelly Brown MD, MBA.
It’s normal to go through periods of low desire, and the amount of intimacy you have with your partner may change over time. But how long is too long without intimacy in a relationship?
For some couples, having intimacy once a year may be sufficient, while others might prefer to engage in activity more than once a day. The most important thing is how both partners feel about their intimate frequency.
This article will discuss the benefits of regular intimacy in a relationship, what might contribute to an intimate-free relationship, and what you can do to spice up your intimate life.
Image Credit: Milkos / istockphoto.
How Often Should Couples Have Intimacy?
The answer to that question greatly depends on individual preferences and a couple’s dynamic.
We do know that the average American couple has intimacy around once a week, which is less than in previous generations.
We also know that couples in new relationships have more intimacy than those in long-term relationships. Studies show the frequency of intimacy tends to decline the longer you’re together.
And though research suggests that frequency leads to greater well-being and relationship satisfaction, more doesn’t necessarily mean better. A 2016 study found that when couples had intimacy more than once a week, they weren’t happier or more satisfied in their relationships than couples having intimacy once a week.
If you and your partner feel satisfied with the amount of intimacy you’re having, that’s all that matters. But if you feel you’re not having enough intimacy, you may need some support.
Image Credit: David-Prado / iStock.
How Long Is Too Long Without Intimacy in a Relationship?
Can a relationship survive without intimacy? It may surprise you, but a relationship without intimacy can last if both people are satisfied and don’t see the lack of intimacy as a problem.
For example, asexual couples maintain romantic relationships without intimacy. They find other aspects of their companionship satisfying enough. These aspects may include other forms of physical affection, like kissing or cuddling.
For couples that aren’t asexual, long periods without intimacy aren’t necessarily a red flag that your relationship is doomed. However, it can become problematic when a lack of physical contact leads to dissatisfaction and emotional disconnection between partners.
Some negative effects of not having enough intimacy include:
- Feeling disconnected from your partner
- Lack of trust
- Low self-esteem
- Increased stress
- Poor sleep
- Resentment
- Body image concerns
- Intimate frustration
- Lack of relationship satisfaction
Image Credit: LSOphoto / iStock.
The Benefits of Intimacy
Regular intimacy, on the other hand, is linked to benefits like improved cardiovascular health, reduced stress, and increased emotional closeness.
Here are some of the proven benefits of intimacy:
- Emotional intimacy. In a study of 335 adults, researchers discovered that intimate satisfaction often led to increased emotional closeness between partners. They also found that husbands generally felt more satisfied with their relationship if their wives were more intimately satisfied.
- Better cardiovascular health. Studies show that intimacy may have a positive impact on cardiovascular health and lower the risk of death from heart attack and heart disease.
- Reduced stress levels. Intimacy may help to reduce stress by releasing feel-good endorphins in the brain and distracting the mind from stressors. Studies reveal there’s a connection between low stress levels and higher levels of intimate behavior and satisfaction. However, this correlation may be cyclical, with high stress levels causing low activity and low activity contributing to stress.
- Lower risk of depression. Research shows that maintaining an intimate relationship may lower the risk of depression in men and women by increasing a sense of intimacy and belonging.
- Improved immune system. Some evidence suggests that intimacy may help improve immunity and reduce the risk of illness and infection.
- Enhanced life satisfaction. Research shows individuals report greater life satisfaction with increased intimacy frequency and satisfaction.
Image Credit: LuckyBusiness / iStock.
Common Reasons for a Lack of Intimacy in a Relationship
There are many reasons why you may be having a dry spell with little to no physical intimacy with your partner.
These reasons include:
- Relationship problems. A lack of intimacy can cause relationship problems, but problems in your relationship can also lead to a lack of intimacy. Some issues that may sever your intimate and emotional connection include a loss of trust, resentments, infidelity, or simply not prioritizing each other enough.
- Stress. If you or your partner are overwhelmed at work or at home, it may affect how often you have intimacy. Having children is another common reason people don’t have as much intimacy. The physical and mental demands of having a child have been linked to lower desire and intimate frequency.
- Mental health issues. Along with stress, mental health issues like depression, anxiety, poor body image, and low self-esteem may lower your or your partner’s libido, leading to less intimacy. Another mental health issue that can affect your drive is performance anxiety, in which you are unable to have satisfying intimacy due to anxiety about your performance in bed.
- Intimate dysfunctions. Performance anxiety, along with other psychological and physiological factors, can cause intimate dysfunctions like low libido (low drive), ED, and PE, making it difficult for you to have intimacy. ED describes the inability to obtain or maintain an arousal long enough for satisfying intimacy. PE is when you reach discharge too quickly.
- Hormonal changes. Hormonal changes like low testosterone in men and menopause or perimenopause in women are known to cause low libido.
- Medical issues. You or your partner may have little interest in intimacy if you’re struggling with a health condition like chronic pain, cancer, neurological diseases, and other illnesses. Side effects from medication can also affect your intimacy drive, including some antidepressants, antihistamines, high blood pressure medications, opiates, and chemotherapy drugs.
- Lack of intimate communication. Poor communication about your intimate needs is another common reason for having little to no intimacy in a relationship. Studies indicate intimate communication is linked to improved intimate desire and overall intimate function, especially among married couples.
- Mismatched libidos. What if one partner has a high drive and the other doesn’t? Mismatched libidos can cause relationship tension and a lack of intimacy in a relationship, too.
- An unhealthy lifestyle. Certain lifestyle habits may contribute to a low libido and intimacy-less relationship. We’re talking poor dietary habits, smoking, excessive alcohol use, and recreational drug use.
- Age. Though there’s no specific age at which people stop having intimacy, studies do show that age-related physical, mental, and relational changes may affect health and disrupt intimate behavior.
Image Credit: stockbusters / iStock.
Tips to Improve Your Intimate Life
So, what can you do if you’re not having enough intimacy in your relationship? There’s no official rubric to follow when it comes to improving your life and there’s no magical potion that can morph you back into who you were at the beginning of your relationship. There are, however, some steps that may help you turn things around.
- Improve your emotional connection. Studies show that in both men and women in long-term relationships, higher levels of emotional intimacy are associated with higher desire and, thus, higher levels of intimacy. Some ways to improve emotional intimacy are working on your communication, making more time for each other, or seeing an intimacy therapist to address relationship issues holding you back.
- Treat intimacy dysfunctions. If you’re struggling with a dysfunction, get treatment. This may include prescription medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, or a combination of treatments. Learn more about ED treatments and PE treatments, then schedule an online consultation with a healthcare provider to see if you qualify.
- Think beyond intimacy. It may sound false, but sometimes, taking the pressure off having intimacy can help lead you back to it. Try to find other ways to be physically intimate, such as cuddling, massage, or handholding. You can also explore intimacy ideas to take things further, but not all the way there.
- Mix things up in the bedroom. From new intimate positions to toys, there are so many ways to inject novelty into your relationship. Studies show couples in long-term relationships who actively pursue new experiences have more relationship satisfaction.
Image Credit: Diamond Dogs / iStock.
Should You Leave an Intimate-less Relationship?
Being in an intimate-less relationship may be frustrating and painful, but is it a reason to break up?
If you’ve talked to your partner about your needs and haven’t made any progress, a couple’s counselor or intimacy therapist can help you figure out what’s going on. They can also help you figure out better ways to express yourself to your partner.
If you’ve tried everything, including therapy, it may be worth asking yourself some tough questions about whether this relationship is right for you. Incompatibility can sometimes be masked by the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship and only emerge after you’ve been together for a while.
And while it’s possible to save an intimate-less relationship but improve intimate compatibility over time, if one partner is unwilling to compromise or face their own issues, it may not be worth it.
And while it’s possible to save an intimate-less relationship and improve intimate compatibility, if one partner is unwilling to compromise or face their own issues, it can lead to larger problems down the road.
Image Credit: Prostock-Studio/Istockphoto.
Having Less Intimacy Than Usual? Final Thoughts
Being in an intimate-less relationship doesn’t have to be the end. If you and your partner still care about each other and you’re willing to put in the work to have more satisfying intimacy, there’s no better time to make moves.
Remember:
- The importance of intimacy depends on each person’s preferences and relationship dynamic. For some couples, having intimacy once a year may work, while others might find it difficult to make it through a single day without any intimate activity. The goal is finding an intimate frequency that works best for you.
- An intimate relationship can survive — if there are other valued aspects of your relationship. It’s also possible that a period without intimacy is only temporary. If you work together to address relationship problems, health issues, and other factors, it could improve your intimate satisfaction.
- The benefits of intimacy are plentiful. From emotional intimacy to improved immunity, there are many benefits to having a healthy intimate life. But remember, more doesn’t always mean better. Some studies show that having intimacy more than once a week is no better than having intimacy once a week.
- There are many reasons why you may be having less intimacy. Intimate problems like ED or PE, hormonal imbalances, certain medications, and high stress are just a few of the contributing factors to low libido and lower intimacy frequency.
- There are ways to turn your intimate life around. Working on your communication, trying new things, seeing a therapist, and addressing issues like ED and PE can help you have better intimacy in your relationship.
Want more tips on how to improve your intimate satisfaction? Check out this guide on how to revive a relationship intimacy, learn new ways to initiate intimacy, and review these 11 tips on how to have better intimacy.
This article originally appeared on hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
Image Credit: stockbusters/Istockphoto.
