How Often Do Men Think About Intimacy?

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Do men think about intimacy every seven seconds? For years, this stat has been thrown around, suggesting that men are obsessed with intimacy and have a higher drive than women.

We now know the average man does not think about intimacy every seven seconds (which is roughly 8,000 thoughts during his waking hours!). But how often do men think about intimacy in a day?

It’s probably less than you think.

This article will discuss how often men think about intimacy, how often women think about intimacy, and whether or not having intimate thoughts is healthy.

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How Often Do Men Think About Intimacy in a Day?

According to a study published in April 2011, men think about intimacy around 19 times a day, while women think about intimacy 10 times a day.

Lead author Terri Fisher and her team of researchers at Ohio State University gave a golf tally counter (i.e., a clicker) to 283 college students (120 young men and 163 young women) and randomly assigned them to track their thoughts about food, sleep, and intimacy for seven days.

At the end of the study, men reported around 19 intimate thoughts per day, and women reported 10. This seems to confirm the general stereotype that men have higher drives than women.

However, the data also showed that men thought about food (around 18 thoughts per day) and sleep (11 thoughts) more often than women did. This led researchers to some new conclusions about gender and the frequency of intimate thoughts.

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What Did the Study Debunk About Men vs. Women?

According to researchers, the data suggests two theories about men vs. women when it comes to intimate thoughts. Men may think about all of their biological needs more often than women (not just intimacy), or they simply find it easier to identify these thoughts.

Researchers also found that when men and women were analyzed together, subjects with the highest erotophilia scores, meaning those who were more comfortable with their intimate needs, were more likely to think about intimacy frequently. This means that a person’s attitudes about intimacy play a bigger role in how often they think about intimacy (or report thinking about intimacy), rather than their gender being the greater predictor.

Why is this important? Well, it proves that men aren’t intimacy-obsessed maniacs, for one. But it also proves that gender differences around intimacy are probably not as pronounced as we previously thought they were.

The study also found that women who had high scores in social desirability (wanting to be socially accepted) reported fewer intimate thoughts. Researchers speculated that these women probably didn’t report their thoughts honestly because thinking about intimacy isn’t aligned with societal expectations of women.

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What Drives Intimate Thoughts?

Sometimes, it can feel like your intimate thoughts come out of nowhere. You may be thinking about what to have for dinner when — BAM! — you’re suddenly hungry for something else.

Other times, your intimate thoughts can be prompted by attractive stimuli — seeing your partner in a hot new outfit, reminiscing about a past intimate experience, being touched, flirting … the list goes on and on.

Frequently thinking about intimacy can be driven by several things, including your hormones, mood, attitudes toward intimacy, general health, and intimate opportunities.

One of the key biological drivers of desire is testosterone, the primary male hormone. Studies show that androgens like testosterone play a key role in stimulating and maintaining intimate function in men, including interest and arousal. A decline in testosterone is also associated with a loss of drive both in men and in women.

Put simply, if your T levels are low, you probably won’t be having as many intimate thoughts.

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Is Thinking About Intimacy Every Day Healthy?

Intimate thoughts and fantasies are part of a healthy private life. You shouldn’t feel ashamed if you think about intimacy often or if you don’t think about intimacy much at all, as long as your thoughts (or lack of thoughts) are not causing you distress.

As one 2021 study shows, intimate fantasies have a positive association with self-esteem and security. People who have intimate fantasies may also be less anxious.

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Further, intimate fantasies can improve your relationship by strengthening intimacy, arousal, and connectedness. They even can be therapeutic and are commonly used by intimacy therapists when treating couples with dysfunctions.

On the other hand, intimate thoughts and fantasies can be unhealthy if they interfere with your daily life. Obsessing about intimacy or engaging in compulsive intimate acts can make you less productive at work, cause relationship problems, and negatively impact your mental health.

Worried about the kind of intimate thoughts you’re having? According to the 2021 study mentioned above, the most common intimate fantasies were related to dominance/submissiveness, adult entertainment, bondage, and more.

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What If You Aren’t Having Many Intimate Thoughts?

If you aren’t having many (or any) intimate thoughts, you may wonder if something’s wrong.

It’s perfectly normal for drive to fluctuate from time to time. Stress, health issues, tiredness, relationship troubles, and many other factors can cause your interest in intimacy and intimate thoughts to decline.

However, if you’re persistently dealing with a low drive, it may be the sign of a bigger issue like low testosterone, depression, medication side effects, or chronic health issues. To rule out these underlying causes, you should contact a healthcare provider to find out what’s going on.

They may suggest healthy lifestyle changes, like cleaning up your diet or exercising more, or they may suggest medical treatments like testosterone replacement therapy.

But whatever you do, steer clear of herbal supplements that promise to increase your drive. These so-called miracle cures you might find offered as pills at the gas station are not FDA-approved and sometimes contain hidden ingredients that could be hazardous to your health.

If you think your low drive is related to an intimate dysfunction like ED or PE, you may want to talk to a healthcare provider about treatments that can improve your intimate function and confidence.

Or, maybe you just need a little help spicing things up in the bedroom. It’s normal for desire to decrease in a long-term relationship, but it’s never too late to talk to an intimacy therapist or learn new techniques to revive your relationship in the bedroom.

Learn more about how to improve your intimate health with medication, toys, and an assortment of over-the-counter products.

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How Often Do Men Think About Intimacy? A Final Word

In summary, here’s what you should know about the amount of time men spend thinking about intimacy:

  • Men think about intimacy around 19 times a day. A 2011 study debunked the myth that men think of intimacy every seven seconds. The study found that men think about intimacy around 19 times a day, compared to 10 times a day for women.

  • Comfort with intimacy was a bigger influence than gender in the frequency of intimate thoughts. The researchers found that both men and women who were more comfortable with their intimate needs tended to report more intimate thoughts. It turned out that comfort with intimate needs was more important than gender in whether or not a person thinks about intimacy (or admits to thinking about it).

  • Intimate thoughts and fantasies are healthy. Studies show that intimate fantasies may be a sign of high self-esteem and security. Intimate fantasies may also improve your relationship by strengthening intimacy, arousal, and connectedness.

Want to find new ways to channel your intimate thoughts? Check out these 11 tips on how to have better intimacy, explore 9 techniques for getting things going in the bedroom, and find out how to deal with intimate frustration.

If you have concerns about your intimate thoughts, or rather lack thereof, consider an appointment to talk to a healthcare professional.

This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.

Image Credit: Prostock-Studio/Istockphoto.

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