You’re in an intimacy drought. We hate to see it, but it happens.
Whether your relationship status has recently changed or you’re striking out on the apps, it’s normal to have ebbs and flows in your intimate life. Ups and downs are also pretty typical when it comes to your desire for intimate intercourse. Men, women and non-binary folks all experience changes in libido over time.
Sometimes, you’re raring to go, and other times, getting in the mood just isn’t happening. It could be that ED, PE, low testosterone or other intimate function issues are getting in the way of your bedroom activities. Or you may not currently have an intimate partner.
The good news? Whether you’re abstaining from intimacy willingly or not, you’re not the only one not having intimacy.
We get that intimate abstinence might make you antsy and leave you wondering about its potential health effects. In turn, this anxiety can lead to psychological ED symptoms that put even more of a strain on your intimate life.
Ahead, we’ll dig into what happens when a man is not intimately active, what intimately active really means, why you might be in a dry spell and the potential side effects of not having intimate.
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What Is Considered Intimately Active?
According to a 2014 study, the average adult in the U.S. engages in intimate activity 54 times a year — or about once a week.
One a week! That sounds pretty regular. But keep in mind this stat is just an average. Sure, some people might get it on every week without missing a beat. However, some weeks or months are likely more intimate than others.
It’s also important to note that everyone’s intimate drive is different. You shouldn’t feel bad about not being “in the mood” 24/7 all the time.
To add to that, even if you are pulsing with desire on the reg, there’s nothing wrong with going through intimate dry spells — you can always opt for a manual release, if you catch our drift.
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What Causes a Man Not to Be Active?
Many factors can impact intimate frequency, desire and performance. We’ll go over a few possible reasons for intimate inactivity.
Health Conditions
Chronic health conditions like diabetes can impact your overall well-being and intimate drive, making it hard to get (or even think about getting) hard. An underactive thyroid can even cause a dip in testosterone levels, resulting in low libido.
Some health issues like prostate cancer (and their treatments) might even affect your junk directly. Read more about the common causes of low intimate drive.
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Mental Health Conditions
Depression and anxiety can both impact your intimate function and intimate drive — and so can the drugs prescribed to treat them.
Some folks also deal with disorders like hypoactive intimate desire disorder (HSDD) or intimate aversion disorder (SAD), which can greatly affect the desire for intimacy. HSDD is a persistent absence of intimate desires, intimate fantasies and interest in intimate of all kinds. SAD is an avoidance of genital contact with a regular partner.
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Relationship Issues
Breakups and interpersonal conflicts — whether with a long-term partner, partners or a casual hookup buddy — can mess with your ability to get some on a regular basis.
Relationship problems might even impact your self-esteem and confidence in the sack, leading to issues like intimate performance anxiety and intimate dysfunction.
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Asexuality
Asexuality is the A in LGBTQIA. You may identify with this intimate identity if you don’t have an intimate attraction to people.
Keep in mind, being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you never get aroused. Asexual falls on a spectrum, and some people may still have a libido.
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Getting Older
Your libido can change throughout your lifespan, with many older adults noting a decrease in intimate drive as they get older. Older men are also more likely to experience intimate health issues like ED.
Thankfully, there are effective treatments, like sildenafil (generic for Viagra®), tadalafil (generic for Cialis®), Stendra® (the brand name for avanafil) and chewable ED hard mints.
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Life Getting In the Way
Things like having kids, getting divorced, losing a loved one, starting a new job, moving into a new home or going through a midlife crisis can influence your intimate life.
For instance, being a new parent might mean you have less time to focus on satisfying intimate encounters, while work stress could make it tougher to stay focused between the sheets.
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What Happens When a Man Is Not Active?
As Steve Carell’s Andy in The 40-Year-Old Virgin asks: “Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?”
Nope. Your privates won’t fall off, and your testicles won’t turn blue from lack of intimacy.
Not having intimacy for a while may hurt your pride, but it’s unlikely to affect your overall well-being or physical health. Here’s what might happen:
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You might feel more stressed than usual. For some folks, intimacy is a potent stress reliever. Sweaty, heart-pumping intimacy can make for a solid workout while lowering cortisol (the stress hormone). If you’re missing the stress-busting benefits of intimacy, consider swapping bare feet and lingerie for running shoes and athletic shorts.
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Your mood might take a dip. This can happen for a few reasons. You might feel bummed about not getting any, plus intimate itself releases endorphins that can help boost your mood. Another way to boost endorphins? Exercise.
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You might experience ED. Evidence suggests a link between regular intimacy and “self-pleasure” and a lower risk of developing ED. But the research isn’t definitive.
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You might struggle with intimate performance anxiety. Returning to intimacy after a prolonged period without it could make you feel anxious about your ability to perform. Talking with someone about intimate performance anxiety may help.
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Potential Health Risks and Longevity
There’s been some research on the possible connection between intimate abstinence and specific health risks. However, there’s not enough evidence that it actually causes any of these issues.
For instance, a survey-based study from 2021 involving 16,000 participants suggests a link between intimate frequency and protection against COVID-19 infection. That said, the mechanism isn’t entirely clear.
Discharge frequency might influence prostate cancer risk. One 2016 study involving nearly 32,000 men found that those who reported ejaculating more frequently had a lower risk of prostate cancer. But unless you’re skipping out on self-pleasure in addition to partner intimacy, this probably isn’t something you need to worry about.
One older review suggests a link between heart disease and low intimate activity. But the findings were based on survey results, which rely on self-reporting. (People aren’t necessarily lying, but they could be unintentionally inaccurate. Do you remember exactly what you ate for breakfast last Tuesday? No? Us neither.) Beyond that, the survey questions didn’t make a clear distinction between partnered intimate activity and solo intimate.
Here’s another interesting nugget: A 2020 study involving over 15,000 American adults found that those who had higher levels of intimate activity had a lower risk of mortality. But the study doesn’t delve much into the why.
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Benefits of Having Intimacy
Frequency aside, intimate with a partner or solo can be an important contributor to mental and physical health.
A healthy intimate life can enhance your well-being and overall quality of life. Having more intimacy could also be an indicator that you’re doing well in other facets of your life — relationships, self-esteem, work-life balance.
But let’s not get it twisted: The definition of a fulfilling intimate life varies from person to person and from relationship to relationship. The point is, if you’re not having frequent intimate, there’s nothing wrong with you.
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To Have Intimacy or Not to Have Intimacy?
Intimacy can be fun, no doubt, but you’re not abnormal if you’re not always into it.
Drive can rise and dip over the course of a week, month, year or an entire lifetime. You might even identify as asexual, and that’s totally fine!
Here’s what to keep in mind about not being intimately active:
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Your mood can influence your desire for intimacy. Mental health conditions like depression and anxiety can cause low libido.
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Health conditions can impact intimate performance. ED and PE can also affect your intimate life and overall intimate well-being. Thankfully, ED treatments and PE treatments are available.
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When it comes to intimacy, there’s no ideal amount. We live in a somewhat intimate-obsessed society, so you might feel pressure to live up to other people’s expectations. But unlike exercise and sleep, the CDC doesn’t recommend how much intimacy a healthy adult should have.
If you’re stressing about how much intimacy you’re having or finding it hard to navigate an intimate desire discrepancy in your relationship, talking to a mental health professional might help.
This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
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