Some musicians are able to express high-minded concepts with expressive language. They draw us into their lyrics, even when the ideas are a little esoteric. They’re also able to convey musical ideas with guitars, drums and bass, ideas that resonate with everyone who hears them.
There are also artists who can do none of those thing, who overthink every melodic line and use words like “obstreperousness,” one suspects solely to make a point and impress people. These artists are pretentious, and we’re here to name and shame the 10 worst offenders.
Image Credit: Peter Neill / Wiki Commons.
1. Emerson, Lake & Palmer
To a lot of people, all progressive rock is pretentious, twee, and unnecessarily complicated. While they have plenty of competition, the most pretentious progressive rock band is surely Emerson, Lake & Palmer, a conglomeration of three virtuoso musicians who are unable to wring one listenable song out of all that talent.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
2. Yoko Ono
We want to be fair here. Yoko Ono was wrongly blamed for the breakup of the Beatles, a perception that she’s been trying to shake for over 50 years. Having said that, her own music has the effect of being repeatedly stabbed in the eardrums with icepicks, and if you don’t believe us, go listed to the ‘Two Virgins’ album that she made with John Lennon. Pure torture.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
3. Dream Theater
Dream Theater bear some similarities to Emerson, Lake & Palmer, in the sense that all the musicians in the band are elite players who can do things you’ll never manage even with 30 years of lessons. But how’s the music? Glad you asked that! The music is pretentious and overelaborate twaddle, and listening to their records feels like waiting on line at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
4. Sunn O)))
We’ll say this for Sunn O))) – they’re original. Their music consists entirely of droning feedback that will test the patience of even the most dedicated noise rock fan. Obviously, this is a free country and the musicians in Sunn O))) should play whatever music brings them joy, but when you listen to it, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that you’re on the receiving end of an elaborate prank.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
5. Björk
Icelandic singer Björk, who was also a member of the Sugarcubes, and her waif-like schtick gets old within minutes of listening to her music. A lot of people like her and find great comfort in her music, and to those people, we say if listening to her makes you happy, do it. Having said that, please do it far away from us.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
6. Steely Dan
Taking their name from an adult pleasure device n the William S. Burroughs novel ‘Naked Lunch,’ Steely Dan are beloved by a wide swath of music fans, particularly those who play music themselves. Whatever you think of the end result, there’s no denying Walter Becker and Donald Fagen could play. Having said that, the Lite FM jazz strains of their music make you feel like you’re trapped in an elevator or a dentist’s office, and songs like “Reelin’ in the Years” are reminiscent of what you’d probably get if Kenny G. decided to make a rock album.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
7. Radiohead
Best known for the song “Creep,” Radiohead was founded in 1985 and have been on the forefront of alternative rock music ever since. The band got lumped in with Nirvana and other “slacker” bands, an image they’ve been milking since the Reagan administration. Amusingly, they were sued for using elements of the song “The Air That I Breathe” on “Creep,” and then they turned around and sued Lana Del Rey for using elements of “Creep” on her song “Get Free.”
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
8. Morrissey
In the 1980s, Morrissey was the lead singer for the Smiths, a band whose pretentiousness could be measured in metric tons. After going solo, he made some statements that should make any of his strongest supporters cringe, such as in 2010 when he called the Chinese people a “subspecies” due to their treatment of animals. Today, he’s best known for cancelling his own tours.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
9. Billy Corgan
Just like with Morrissey and the Smiths, we’re tempted to give the Smashing Pumpkins full credit for all their innate pretentiousness. This would be wrong. Billy Corgan is the Smashing Pumpkins (just ask him!) and he’s been only too happy to take full credit for everything the band ever did. It’s kind of amazing that he would want to do that, considering that he has one of the worst singing voices in the history of recorded music, and the songs are spectacular in their mediocrity. But again, if you ask him, the music of the Smashing Pumpinks sounds like Beethoven.
Image Credit: Wikipedia.
10. Bono
U2 lead singer Bono has a sense of humor, and the entire band made an appearance on ‘The Simpsons,’ so we want to list those as mitigating factors when describing just how pretentious Bono is. At the same time, it’s hard to ignore the way he puts himself out there as a combination of Mother Theresa and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and it would be great if he could refrain from such behavior. Honestly the most humanitarian act he could have involved himself with was making sure new iPhones didn’t all have the latest U2 album on them, which was as impossible to remove as a chocolate stain.
This article was produced and syndicated by MediaFeed.
Image Credit: Peter Neill / Wiki Commons.
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